New Year, Old Issues
I'm tired...I'm cranky...I'm in a fog. This can describe most days from this past few months. Yes, I have a new baby and yes, it's been an adjustment. That doesn't make it suck any less.
Paige has been in and out of our room a few times and we've figured out that the girls are just going to keep waking each other up so they can't realistically share a room. Now we're stuck looking for another place for the band to practice so we can move our room downstairs, Loren into our room and Paige into Loren's room. This will involve work to make the basement a livable bedroom (to my standards) and more work painting the master bedroom and Loren's old room. We also need to finish the bathroom downstairs...it needs a new toilet and a shower or tub (I'm voting for soaking tub...) and the floor tiled. So, nargh, lots of stuff to do before we're all in our places where we need to be.
Right now neither of the girls will go to sleep and I'm ready to take off and not come back for a few days...abandonment is okay as long as it's imaginary, right? Actually, I know that one day I'll be pining for the times when my babies were babies and needed me to rock them and kiss their owies. My son is growing up way too fast...I'm trying to keep my girls little as long as possible. I know it's a futile endeavor, yet the meaning is in the trying, I think.
This home-maker thing isn't going so well, either. I'm not organized, I'm not energetic and I'm not enjoying my job. Normally, I'd be looking for a new place to work, one that met my needs, provided the benefits and pay I stipulated and fulfilled my desires. This job, however, can't be done by anyone else and the only one who can change it and make it better is me. Well, no, God, through me. But I'm in this fog and focusing on myself and that makes it hard to give myself to others. But with kids, you gotta step up or your gonna ruin other human beings. Bringing your best means everyone will have a better day. It's just a choice that can be hard to make when you're exhausted and feeling sorry for yourself at six a.m. and you have to decide to get up now and be ready for the day or go back to sleep and let everything get out of control.
It's also admitting that the reason why things are so hard is because I'm making them that way with my choices. Boo. It all comes back to my desire to fulfill my own needs first...needs that aren't really needs but wants. I know that God can carry me through a day on six hours of sleep and will even provide me with an opportunity to nap if needed, yet I still will go back to bed instead of getting up. It's stupid.
I found a few websites with people who talk about their schedules and stuff and how they wrote out daily schedules for themselves to get everything they needed to do done. I think that's a fabulous idea and want to try it. We'll see how it goes...
Paige has been in and out of our room a few times and we've figured out that the girls are just going to keep waking each other up so they can't realistically share a room. Now we're stuck looking for another place for the band to practice so we can move our room downstairs, Loren into our room and Paige into Loren's room. This will involve work to make the basement a livable bedroom (to my standards) and more work painting the master bedroom and Loren's old room. We also need to finish the bathroom downstairs...it needs a new toilet and a shower or tub (I'm voting for soaking tub...) and the floor tiled. So, nargh, lots of stuff to do before we're all in our places where we need to be.
Right now neither of the girls will go to sleep and I'm ready to take off and not come back for a few days...abandonment is okay as long as it's imaginary, right? Actually, I know that one day I'll be pining for the times when my babies were babies and needed me to rock them and kiss their owies. My son is growing up way too fast...I'm trying to keep my girls little as long as possible. I know it's a futile endeavor, yet the meaning is in the trying, I think.
This home-maker thing isn't going so well, either. I'm not organized, I'm not energetic and I'm not enjoying my job. Normally, I'd be looking for a new place to work, one that met my needs, provided the benefits and pay I stipulated and fulfilled my desires. This job, however, can't be done by anyone else and the only one who can change it and make it better is me. Well, no, God, through me. But I'm in this fog and focusing on myself and that makes it hard to give myself to others. But with kids, you gotta step up or your gonna ruin other human beings. Bringing your best means everyone will have a better day. It's just a choice that can be hard to make when you're exhausted and feeling sorry for yourself at six a.m. and you have to decide to get up now and be ready for the day or go back to sleep and let everything get out of control.
It's also admitting that the reason why things are so hard is because I'm making them that way with my choices. Boo. It all comes back to my desire to fulfill my own needs first...needs that aren't really needs but wants. I know that God can carry me through a day on six hours of sleep and will even provide me with an opportunity to nap if needed, yet I still will go back to bed instead of getting up. It's stupid.
I found a few websites with people who talk about their schedules and stuff and how they wrote out daily schedules for themselves to get everything they needed to do done. I think that's a fabulous idea and want to try it. We'll see how it goes...
Labels: baby, God, kids, organize, out of control, sleep, stay at home mom
posted by Kimberly | 10:22 PM
|
0 comments
